Testing The Waters

I just came off a great week of auditions!!!! In the past my approach to auditions could only be classified as "SELF DESTRUCTIVE". To describe it in a way so you can fully understand the magnitude of what I mean by "SELF DESTRUCTIVE" I will simply say that, in the past, I looked at auditions as an illness that I desperately needed to find a CURE for. You must be saying to yourself "why were you doing that?" Well, I wasn't doing this consciously - BUT I have made the conscious decision to change this and now I see each Audition as a journey, a journey with no destination. In the past I had a destination in mind - the destination being GETTING THE JOB, BOOKING IT, BEING HIRED, getting paid to act the part. Its THIS mindset that would lead me to get "TIGHT" in auditions and then I will begin to OVER ACT to compensate...and then well...it'd go downhill fast. I now see Auditioning as a mirror, a mirror that I use as a tool...

Just so YOU know - BEFORE we go any further - let me JUST say - I have ALWAYS been a proud CARNIVORE. Steak Pizzaiola is my favorite - AND I have to say that my hubby cooks a mean steak - Now, to be honest our daily diet was not filled with red meat - we'd enjoy a steak like once a month - USUALLY we'd opt for "HEALTHY" white meat and make Roasted Chicken, Pork or Fish. That is until I watched "THE COVE" and "FOOD INC" If you haven't watched these I highly recommend them. They aren't "Anti meat" documentaries - just VERY informative. OK...SO.... AFTER watching FOOD INC my hubby turned to me and said: "There's gotta be something wrong when we are nourishing ourselves with tortured souls" (yeah, I know...right? He's so F***ing profound) NEEDLESS to say we are turned off by meat at the moment - DILEMMA - what do two CARNIVORE'S make for dinner.....UGH... TRADER JOES to the rescue. Last night, after I talked myse...

I've always known that I am a strong person. I was raised in a household filled with VERY strong women. I am Puerto Rican and Italian - which usually makes people wince while they utter "Wow - you are HOT BLOODED" YEAH - I AM! I am a hot blooded, strong, opinionated WOMAN who is irritated with the inequities we endure as women in 2010. I LOVE the fact that Kathryn Bigelow is the first female director to win an Oscar - but seriously - did the Academy have to play Helen Reddy's "I am Woman" as she made her way to the stage... COME ON! I was speaking with a friend earlier in the week - we started talking about "The War". The conversation took an EVIL turn when he said women are not "allowed" to fight on the front lines - WHAT? "Women are not ALLOWED to fight on the front lines" I got soooo annoyed we had to change the subject but when he left I ran to my computer to do research because I was certain he was wrong. WELL, Turns out.....

I AM FEELING DEPRESSED!!! I hate feeling this way. When I do, I don't get done what I want AND after the episode I just feel like I wasted time... SOOOO in the interest of trying to use my time in a more productive way I decided to look up an image that is mentioned in the book I am currently reading - DAN BROWNS " THE LOST SYMBOL" (its the image I posted above) I figured worse case scenario - I learn about the piece of art, btw, I LOVED ART HISTORY class in College. How could I know this little cyber journey would help me out of my depression. Well, first - the ART WORK is a famous allegorical engraving by Albrecht Dürer entitled "Melencolia I". Its title is presumed to be inspired by Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim. Agrippa was a German magician, occult writer, theologian, astrologer, and alchemist (PHEW - talk about multi-hyphenate) He wrote "De Occulta Philosophia (or magic)" in this book he describes "Melencholia Imaginativa" i...

I have been paring down my life - cutting away the fat and getting back to basics - as they pertain to who I am and attaining MY PERSONAL GOALS. Funny thing happens when you decide to do this - it is as if a mirror is held in front of you and you have to take a hard look at who you REALLY are and who you are pretending to be. Growing up I wasn't the person that said "Yes" to everything - I was that person who QUESTIONED EVERYTHING - and I mean EVERYTHING - to the point that I ANNOYED my Grandmother to no end. At some point "NO" became a four letter word to me. I don't have to try to figure out when AND why this happened - all i have to do is STOP it. I've been doing this little by little - BABY STEPS. The best tool that has helped me so far is repeating this mantra: "Just because I CAN do this does not mean I SHOULD do it" In the past, I let the fact that I am CAPABLE of executing the task inform whether I WILL do it. This simple mantra has...

My quest continues as I watch movies and Performances that are nominated for Oscars. I just watched "UP" and I have to say I was expecting more - sad but true - maybe because its up for 5 OSCARS...yes FIVE!!!!! Best Animated film, Best Picture, Original Screenplay, Music Score and Sound Editing. While I throughly enjoyed the film and its message I was left with - this is nominated for BEST PICTURE...REALLY??? ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY...REALLY????? BUT, alas, that is just my humble opinion. What are your thoughts, LEMME KNOW????

by DawnMarie Ferrara (2/12/10) I hear banging on the locked door - Locked door - bang. I sit in a bath of confusion. Locked door - bang. You want to come in? Locked door - bang. I’m bathing in confusion. Locked door - bang. Staring at the door as the Locked door goes bang. Feeling my stomach twist as the Locked door goes bang. My heart races each time the Locked door goes bang. Feel helpless as the Locked door goes bang. Ears deafening each time the Locked door goes bang. Can’t take anymore. Locked door goes Bang! Bang! Bang! I open the locked door and Find my strength.