Testing The Waters

I AM FEELING DEPRESSED!!! I hate feeling this way. When I do, I don't get done what I want AND after the episode I just feel like I wasted time... SOOOO in the interest of trying to use my time in a more productive way I decided to look up an image that is mentioned in the book I am currently reading - DAN BROWNS " THE LOST SYMBOL" (its the image I posted above) I figured worse case scenario - I learn about the piece of art, btw, I LOVED ART HISTORY class in College. How could I know this little cyber journey would help me out of my depression. Well, first - the ART WORK is a famous allegorical engraving by Albrecht Dürer entitled "Melencolia I". Its title is presumed to be inspired by Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim. Agrippa was a German magician, occult writer, theologian, astrologer, and alchemist (PHEW - talk about multi-hyphenate) He wrote "De Occulta Philosophia (or magic)" in this book he describes "Melencholia Imaginativa" i...

I have been paring down my life - cutting away the fat and getting back to basics - as they pertain to who I am and attaining MY PERSONAL GOALS. Funny thing happens when you decide to do this - it is as if a mirror is held in front of you and you have to take a hard look at who you REALLY are and who you are pretending to be. Growing up I wasn't the person that said "Yes" to everything - I was that person who QUESTIONED EVERYTHING - and I mean EVERYTHING - to the point that I ANNOYED my Grandmother to no end. At some point "NO" became a four letter word to me. I don't have to try to figure out when AND why this happened - all i have to do is STOP it. I've been doing this little by little - BABY STEPS. The best tool that has helped me so far is repeating this mantra: "Just because I CAN do this does not mean I SHOULD do it" In the past, I let the fact that I am CAPABLE of executing the task inform whether I WILL do it. This simple mantra has...

My quest continues as I watch movies and Performances that are nominated for Oscars. I just watched "UP" and I have to say I was expecting more - sad but true - maybe because its up for 5 OSCARS...yes FIVE!!!!! Best Animated film, Best Picture, Original Screenplay, Music Score and Sound Editing. While I throughly enjoyed the film and its message I was left with - this is nominated for BEST PICTURE...REALLY??? ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY...REALLY????? BUT, alas, that is just my humble opinion. What are your thoughts, LEMME KNOW????

by DawnMarie Ferrara (2/12/10) I hear banging on the locked door - Locked door - bang. I sit in a bath of confusion. Locked door - bang. You want to come in? Locked door - bang. I’m bathing in confusion. Locked door - bang. Staring at the door as the Locked door goes bang. Feeling my stomach twist as the Locked door goes bang. My heart races each time the Locked door goes bang. Feel helpless as the Locked door goes bang. Ears deafening each time the Locked door goes bang. Can’t take anymore. Locked door goes Bang! Bang! Bang! I open the locked door and Find my strength.

I just watched this movie PINKY, based on the book "Quality" by female novelist Cid Ricketts Sumner. It was made in 1949, and was directed by Elia Kazan. It handles some of the same subject matter that "Imitation of Life" did in 1934 but "PINKY" is more gritty and honest in its portrayal of bigotry and self loathing. The story follows Patricia "Pinky" Johnson, a light skinned black woman, as she returns to her grandmother's house in the South after graduating from a Northern nursing school. Pinky confesses to her grandmother that she has been "passing" for white while at school in the North.  On top of this news we find out that Patricia has fallen in love with a white Doctor who does not know her family history. When he does find out he still wants to marry her but wants to keep her family history a secret. This creates an excruciatingly hard decision for Patricia to make - you really feel the weight of it in ...

The mind is really powerful - Thoughts create things! I have been practicing Yoga for 12 years. I've gone to classes religiously for 9 of those years and of late I do my own practice and I try to go to a class to feel part of the Yoga community. I recently realized that one thing I let go of was my daily mediation's. Well, since the Summer (09) I started to mediate again and started to consciously create. Putting my MINDS EYE on that which I want to create. And I have to say it not only focused and grounded me but also pulled into existence that which I focused on. And then a funny thing happened, it seems that as soon as this started to work for me I couldn't handle it and by January I had eased off on my daily mediation's. It only took a couple weeks for some of my old doubts to creep back in. I started to feel the Doubt and then FEAR I had felt before and I knew this wasn't what I wanted for my life. DOUBT is an artistic KILLER. It is like a CANCER for artists...

I am not a huge Football fan, Hockey is more my game. I only watch the Super Bowl and to be honest, I am only invested in the game when the Giants are playing BUT this Super Bowl was different. This year me and my hubby decided to stay home and enjoy the game by ourselves. The only thing I knew about each team was that Kim Kardashian was dating Reggie Bush (from the Saints) and Kendra Wilkinson is married to Hank Baskett (from the Colts). As my hubby made YUMMY burgers for us to enjoy and we popped open some frosty Stella's my hubby said he was hoping for a good game. He felt The Colts would win because they have a stronger team and the SAINTS have never been to the Super Bowl before - EVER - and after watching the PRE SHOW apparently my husband was not alone in his opinion. All the commentators and experts agreed that the COLTS probably would win. Right before the game started I turned to my hubby and said, "yeah but you can not discount the HEART of the UNDERDOG" Af...

THE HURT LOCKER. What a ride Kathryn Bigelow takes the viewer on. I felt as if I had enlisted in the service and all the decisions the soldiers were making on screen were in some way going to effect me - like I was in any harm sitting in my living room, crunching on my "Orville Redenbacher" Popcorn. The movie is spectacular - many moments stood out for me - one in particular. When Jeremy Renner's character goes home. After watching his character for about 80% of the film make life and death decisions (which made my heart race at times, made me cringe and close my eyes at others) He watched people die. Killed others. Dissected bombs. Things that I feel the human soul were not meant to experience - AND THEN suddenly he is in civilian clothing - standing in an isle in a Supermarket trying to decide "what cereal to buy" My Brother served in the Army. I always make a point to THANK the service men and women I come in contact with and to me THE HURT LOCKER is not jus...

OK, so I feel like I have to confess something - and here it goes.... I HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE FILMS THAT ARE UP FOR OSCARS THIS YEAR (Enter horror music) Now, since I am being HONEST I will say that I LOVE to watch the OSCARS for the FASHIONS but sitting clueless to the work that is nominated? Well, that's just not cute. So I am rectifying this - I just watched: "INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS" The whole cast is amazing. BRAD PITT is PERFECT CHRISTOPH WALTZ is mesmerizing. QUENTIN TARANTINO is just an artist plain and simple. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS was a refreshing movie experience - the time just flew by - and at the pictures end I was left to ponder my own humanity - yeah that's right - when I felt joy-joy feelings of watching The Nazi's burn to their death the old adage "two wrongs don't make a right" came to mind. And while the credits rolled I realized that not only was I thoroughly entertained by this movie, I was transported into a my own mora...

Okay, I am a NATIVE NEW YORKER. I was raised with my Italian side of my family on The Lower East Side of Manhattan - (Little Italy) me and my family are not Guido's and Guidettes BUT some of my best friends are. Watching "The Jersey Shore" for me is like seeing old friends of mine - I hate that some people say the cast "is not Italian" - YES THEY ARE!!!! They are Italian/Americans from Jersey. It's kinda like the BREAKFAST CLUB - everyone has a label - there's the 'smart one', 'the prep', 'the nerd' etc... Guidos are a classification unto themselves. I created a little cheat sheet to help you distinguish them from your everyday Italians and hey, who knows you might be one yourself... HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A GUIDO/GUIDETTE: GUIDETTE: You have extremely long, usually fake nails - painted in a bright color (usually some shade of Fuchsia or White) and talking about how you chose that nail color is a whole conversation in itself...

  Sadly, we have become a nation of SAMENESS. We live in a time of Homogenized TV and Political Correctness -it makes me wanna SCREAM! It's like High School all over again - you remember High School and its Social Structure; where only a select few are chosen to represent "THE NORM" and everyone that falls short of the standard are labeled "NOT GOOD ENOUGH", "FREAK" etc. Those were fun days weren't they????? How have we become a Nation where it appears EVERYONE is buying their cloths at "The Gap" The Individual is not celebrated anymore... I sadly wasn't old enough to be raised during the PUNK era - but man are we in serious need of that fad coming back... Sorry to ramble...I will get on with it... This morning I watched the interview Mel Gibson gave and I JUST LOVED IT... When I watched it I gotta say it was better than drinking my ritualistic morning cup of coffee. Mel has always been and still is not afraid to speak "his own t...

I am still SICK - and let me tell ya - I don't do sick! I've been sick since Wednesday night - in bed, can't move, just sleep the days away kind of sick. It's Monday and guess what.... I AM STILL SICK - 5 DAYS - UGGGHH. Well, today I couldn't just sit around, I looked around the house and realized the place is a mess. I haven't been able to clean in 5 Days and it looks like it. I couldn't stand it anymore so I cleaned. Feel a little better but what a wake up call - I'm so used to the daily cleaning - I never realized all that I do in the house - As I sit down on the couch - enjoying the cleanliness - waiting for my husband to come home I feel quite accomplished and realize I don't usually take time to ENJOY the work I do... So I have this question for ya: WHAT WORK DO YOU DO THAT YOU DON'T TAKE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE? xo