Forgiveness
Some of you may not know this but my father was murdered, he was killed when I was still a child. I think this is one of the reasons why I find myself drawn to real life CSI shows on TV and most news stories involving homicide and our legal system.
Recently, I came across one story that is a truly inspiring example of forgiveness. The story revovles around the Whitaker family. The family consists of parents Patricia and Kent and their two son's, Kevin and Thomas.
In Sugarville, Texas on December 10, 2003 the family was celebrating Thomas' college graduation from Sam Houston State University. Kent and Patricia had given their son a Rolex as a graduation present and the whole family went out to dinner. After dinner the family came home and upon entering the home they were each shot by a gunman who had been laying in wait for the family.
Kevin Whitaker was pronounced dead at the scene, and Patricia and Kent were airlifted to a nearby hospital. Patricia subsequently died from her wounds. Kent and Thomas recovered from their gunshot wounds.
While he was at the hospital, Kent began "taking stock of what I'd lost" and initially questioned his deep faith. But he ultimately came to the conclusion that "faith is an act of willpower."
Kent made the conscious decision to tell God, 'I don't know how you're going to do it, I don't know when or where, but I'll believe that you'll work this for good.' Then just hours after the murder's Kent Whitaker made a public statement vowing to forgive the killer.
The two surviving members of the Whitaker family continued to live together in the home while the police began their investigation. The inital belief was that this was a burgulary gone wrong but eventually the truth surfaced. In this case, the truth involved a twisted murder for hire plot whose mastermind was none other than the Whitaker's eldest son, Thomas.
As the details would soon reveal, Thomas was not actually graduating from college, this was a lie he'd kept going for years. In fact, at the time of the murders, after four years of enrollment at Sam Houston State University, Thomas was still a Freshman.
Trying to understand Thomas Whitaker's reason for killing his family only creates more questions than answer's. In one statement Thomas reveals himself to be a young man filled with self loathing:
"I wanted revenge for being alive, and I blamed [my parents] for that. I blamed them for who I was. Instead of blaming me," he told ABC News' Mary Fulginiti. "I recognize now how wrong I was on all of that. But at the time, I really believed in that. I held them completely at fault for the man that I had become."
Thomas was found guilty of the crimes and sentenced to death by lethal injection. He now sits on death row awaiting his execution and his father remains his greatest supporter. Kent Whitaker has forgiven his son and continues to play an active role in his son's life.
When he speaks about his forgiveness Kent said, "If I had been holding on to revenge and anger and had turned bitter, I would still be in the middle of it."
What a huge lesson for all of us. We will all experience betrayals on many different levels. People will and do disappoint us - the question is - What do we do to get through it? Ans: Forgive.
Looking back at my father's murder I am humbled by Kent's faith and ability to come to a place of forgiveness so soon after the event. My dad was shot at point blank range in the head and died almost instantly. My dad was killed when I was four years old and I am just now starting to begin to forgive his murderer. Kent on the other hand was able to talk of forgiveness the night of the murders.
Forgiveness is the beginning, the first step towards healing. I'm not saying forget what was done, no, forgiveness is NOT condoning the action or forgetting the betrayal. We still need to hold others responsible for their actions. Forgiveness is simply just letting go of the hate and doing this is the gift you give yourself. This allows us to remain open to the greatest energy we can each experience in life - LOVE.
Recently, I came across one story that is a truly inspiring example of forgiveness. The story revovles around the Whitaker family. The family consists of parents Patricia and Kent and their two son's, Kevin and Thomas.
In Sugarville, Texas on December 10, 2003 the family was celebrating Thomas' college graduation from Sam Houston State University. Kent and Patricia had given their son a Rolex as a graduation present and the whole family went out to dinner. After dinner the family came home and upon entering the home they were each shot by a gunman who had been laying in wait for the family.
Kevin Whitaker was pronounced dead at the scene, and Patricia and Kent were airlifted to a nearby hospital. Patricia subsequently died from her wounds. Kent and Thomas recovered from their gunshot wounds.
While he was at the hospital, Kent began "taking stock of what I'd lost" and initially questioned his deep faith. But he ultimately came to the conclusion that "faith is an act of willpower."
Kent made the conscious decision to tell God, 'I don't know how you're going to do it, I don't know when or where, but I'll believe that you'll work this for good.' Then just hours after the murder's Kent Whitaker made a public statement vowing to forgive the killer.
The two surviving members of the Whitaker family continued to live together in the home while the police began their investigation. The inital belief was that this was a burgulary gone wrong but eventually the truth surfaced. In this case, the truth involved a twisted murder for hire plot whose mastermind was none other than the Whitaker's eldest son, Thomas.
As the details would soon reveal, Thomas was not actually graduating from college, this was a lie he'd kept going for years. In fact, at the time of the murders, after four years of enrollment at Sam Houston State University, Thomas was still a Freshman.
Trying to understand Thomas Whitaker's reason for killing his family only creates more questions than answer's. In one statement Thomas reveals himself to be a young man filled with self loathing:
"I wanted revenge for being alive, and I blamed [my parents] for that. I blamed them for who I was. Instead of blaming me," he told ABC News' Mary Fulginiti. "I recognize now how wrong I was on all of that. But at the time, I really believed in that. I held them completely at fault for the man that I had become."
Thomas was found guilty of the crimes and sentenced to death by lethal injection. He now sits on death row awaiting his execution and his father remains his greatest supporter. Kent Whitaker has forgiven his son and continues to play an active role in his son's life.
When he speaks about his forgiveness Kent said, "If I had been holding on to revenge and anger and had turned bitter, I would still be in the middle of it."
What a huge lesson for all of us. We will all experience betrayals on many different levels. People will and do disappoint us - the question is - What do we do to get through it? Ans: Forgive.
Looking back at my father's murder I am humbled by Kent's faith and ability to come to a place of forgiveness so soon after the event. My dad was shot at point blank range in the head and died almost instantly. My dad was killed when I was four years old and I am just now starting to begin to forgive his murderer. Kent on the other hand was able to talk of forgiveness the night of the murders.
Forgiveness is the beginning, the first step towards healing. I'm not saying forget what was done, no, forgiveness is NOT condoning the action or forgetting the betrayal. We still need to hold others responsible for their actions. Forgiveness is simply just letting go of the hate and doing this is the gift you give yourself. This allows us to remain open to the greatest energy we can each experience in life - LOVE.
Wishing you all my best, Always!
DawnMarie
Let me know your thoughts on this story or if you want to, share your experiences with forgiveness.
(For more details on the Whitaker case pick up Kent Whitaker's book "Murder by Family')
I'm so torn. The words perspective and understanding come to mind. Understanding about what other people feel they are experiencing in their own lives to gain perspective on why they do what they do. As a mom, forgiveness is a tough nut to crack when I belive my child has been wronged. Thanks for sharing. You're making me think. Bibiana - Madison's mom
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I'm now finding that its in the hard moments - when we can't imagine forgiving - like when an innocent child is wronged - its then that we need to forgive the most. It was helpful when I finally got the distinction between forgiveness and forgetting. Letting go of the hate has made a huge difference for me.
DeleteWow, this is huge in many ways. I'll say first, hats off to you for being so open in your writing- you do your readers a big service by giving so freely of yourself. Thank you
ReplyDeleteForgiveness IS the gift we give ourselves. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way though... it's as if truly forgiving might literally stop my heart and I would cease to exist. Of course I know this isn't true, we're actually more likely to suffer death and the ills of the world by NOT forgiving. So why isn't it just easier?! :)
I was just talking about forgiveness the other day with friends- funny how the lessons keep showing up :) Once again your blog has me taking stock and implementing some changes. Time to give myself some gifts! Thanks!!
Thank you so much! Its a life lesson and continuous journey for me.
DeleteI truly enjoy your writing and how personal it is. The amazing thing is how each week touches me on such a broad yet personal way. Forgiveness is huge and something that we always struggle with mostly due to ego. But stress is the worst thing we can carry with us and forgiveness is certainly a way to alleviate stress in our lives. What a story of belief. I don't know if I could forgive so quickly, but it shows me how possible it is.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing and inspiring me to be a better person.
Thanks for your deep insight. And yeah, I agree - stress is horrible - it can be brought on by holding onto guilt and shame, forgiveness and learning how to forgive has made a huge impact on my life. Thanks for letting me know that my blog has touched you in some positive way.
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