Unapologetically Open & Unabashedly Vulnerable

Life is spontaneous and unpredictable, at any given moment it can change direction. The only way to navigate through it all is to become unapologetically open and unabashedly vulnerable to the experience because everything in life happens to help us LIVE.



A month and a half has passed since our Scarlett's death. Her absence has created an unbearable silence in our lives. In this silence I pray for the lesson in it all, what is it we are to learn that only Scarlett's death could teach us? This question has me holding a mirror to myself and a magnifying glass over my life.

With our Scarlett (April 2013)
I needed to make a change in my life - of this I am certain. Month's prior to Scarlett's death I'd ask out loud:  "What is it you want to do?" "What is it you want to achieve with your life?"

As many of you know I am an actress and being an actress means having a life filled with auditions. Auditioning is a major component to this occupation. Its a game really. The audition game goes: audition, make more casting director fans which will in turn bring in more auditions. The end goal is to be called in for more auditions booking the project is not, booking it is an added bonus.

Over the last couple of years I've been on too many auditions to count. I came close to booking many, had a lot of callbacks and booked some. Its been this way for a while now but this past year was different for me. I usually like the audition game but this year it left me... the only word that comes to mind is dissatisfied. And now after Scarlett's death I feel broken, lost and have even more questions. "What am I suppose to learn?" "What's the lesson in it all?"


A friend recently posted on her Facebook page - "It takes a breakdown to get to the breakthrough" - Well, I am certainly experiencing a breakdown. I'm writing this in an attempt to find my way as I fumble around in the darkness. I'm sharing my experience as a way to try to find solid ground and get to the breakthrough.

More and more questions continue to form in my mind and as they do I just jot them down and pray for the answers to come. For now I am doing something I've never done before, I  remain unapologetically open and unabashedly vulnerable to life. I am allowing my life to be guided instead of trying to control it - I am allowing it to breathe and letting go. It is SCARY but strangely I feel more alive today than I have in years. Ever my guru still, it is my Scarlett who has brought me to this place, her death is guiding me to fully experience LIFE.



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