Surviving Grief During The Holidays

It doesn't really matter what you expect from life,

it's what life expects from you. ~ David Wheeler

I learned to deal with the death of a loved one at an early age. My father was killed when I was just five years old and a year later my mother lost her battle with cancer. Ironically, my parents were twenty-eight years old when they passed. My maternal grandmother raised me, sadly she passed away when I was eighteen years old. These were and continue to be great losses for me. Somehow through it all I believed that there was a grand design to it all, don't know why I believed this, I just did.

Life is not measured in "years"
 life is measured by the depth of experience. 

I've always known that with my personal experience with grief came a unique responsibility. I know all too well that grief and suffering are intensely personal experiences.  My story seems to inspire others to survive. This is the reason why I continue to openly share my story, advice, and personal insights.

FINDING THE LESSON

The recent, sudden passing of Scarlett, our beloved Cavalier King Charles, is a heartbreaking reminder that there is a grand design to life and so I continue to look for the lesson it in all. While trying to make some sense out of Scarlett's passing I was inspired to create "Scarlett's House."

Scarlett's House is a comprehensive site that will feature videos on how to pick the right breed for your family, pet health, behavioral issues and pet safety just to name a few. I will be interviewing pet owners, top Veterinarians, breeders, trainers and other specialists.
Here's a link to:  SCARLETT'S HOUSE

FORGIVENESS

No matter the circumstances surrounding a death - whether it be a tragic accident, disease, natural causes - the surviving friends and family inevitably will have some feelings of guilt. These feelings of guilt are a by-product of our minds trying to process our loss. Our minds desperately want to control the events in our lives; especially when the outcome is not what we hoped. What if's and constant questioning of decisions made begin to play on a never-ending loop.

I struggle with guilt surrounding the death of our Scarlett even though intellectually I know that the guilt I feel is irrational and is hindering my healing. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and breathe through this process. I will say this, on the days when I have been able to get to a place of forgiveness I feel lighter in my soul and it's on those days that I've felt the closest to our Scarlett's spirit.

CREATING A NEW RELATIONSHIP 

When a loved one passes away, especially those we feel were taken too soon; there is a part of us that dies too. Our physical experience with the deceased is no more, and we here on Earth are left to the task of adjusting to a new normal, a new life. We then set out on the painful journey towards creating a new relationship; a new bond with our deceased loved one. One way to do this is by writing letters to our loved one.

A couple days after Scarlett passed I started writing letters to her. I had a beautiful journal that reminded me of her and so I just started writing letters in it to her. I have found it to be a healthy way to express my grief and it has proven to be a source of comfort during this deep grieving period.

RITUALS

My husband and I saved the flowers from the memorial wreath we bought for Scarlett and also all the bouquets of flowers we received in her memory from our (and her) friends.  Instead of throwing away the flowers I dried and saved them. Every time we visit a place we would have taken her we sprinkle some of the petals in her memory and say a prayer.

MEMORIES

The Holiday Season intensifies grief; there is no way around this fact. In the past I have honored my parents and grandmother by decorating the Christmas tree with ornaments that either they made when they were alive or that reminded me of them. To honor our Scarlett this year my husband and I decided to place a photo of her on the tree. To highlight Scarlett's photo I topped the tree with a bow I created out of beautiful gold ribbon and hung the remaining ribbon around the rest the tree. Our Christmas Tree this year looks like one big present, and for us it symbolizes our belief that Scarlett was and continues to be a gift in our lives.

I highly recommend creating a memorial video for your loved one as well. The process of assembling the content will be healing and the resulting video will help to preserve your memories. Here's a link to the video I created for OUR SCARLETT

HELP & SUPPORT

Unfortunately there are no linear steps to grieving and there is no magic pill one can take. Grieving is a process, one that has to be lived through moment-by-moment, day-by-day. It is extremely important to have a close group of family and friends around for support. I don't know where I'd be without the support I've received in my life. If you ever feel over whelmed by your grief please reach out for help. There are local hotlines to call, on-line bevreavment sites and other services available.

And for all of us who find ourselves grieving this Holiday Season - here is my wish:

My Wish ~ by DawnMarie 

May all broken hearts be mended 

May spirits rejoice in the memories made 

May all delight in the memories emerging

May another life be enhanced by your physical presence on Earth

May the knowledge that the soul continues after life, set hearts at ease

Love continues past the point where eyes can perceive

Love continues past the point where hands can extend

Love continues past all human senses 

Love is a constant 

May you take comfort in the fact that the love remains,  

The love remains…

Our Family photo - Christmas Day 2012
We miss you so much Scarlett, you live on in our hearts