Testing The Waters

The Holiday Season is upon us... what are YOUR plans?  No, I'm not asking about the Holiday Party's you will be attending   or how and where you will be spending the Holidays?  Nor am I asking about your New Years Resolutions?   New Years Resolutions? Aren't they usually filled with guilt and regret,  I know that's the reason I haven't made a "Resolutions" list in years - good ol' Catholic Guilt...blahch... no, that is so NOT what I'm asking you... I'm asking you about your plans for the coming year.  What are your plans for 2011?  Last year I planned for 2010 to be filled with growth - personal growth and  growth in my career. And now as 2010 winds down to a close I can honestly say I got exactly what I planned for. 2010 has been a year of transition, transformation and success. WOO-hoo!!!!  Here's what happened:  I was meditating one day and as I began my mantra my voice sounded different. I couldn't recognize the sound of...

Yesterday morning I awoke early - no - really super early! My eyes just opened WIDE and a desire to meditate began to take over my thoughts. I practice daily meditation but never this early in the morning For clarity's sake we are talking 5am on a SATURDAY MORNING :) I knew my husband and I had a long day ahead of us but my life has taught me to follow my intuition - especially when my reaction to it is "huh?" anyways.... I peel myself out of the comfort of my warm bed - set up my space to meditate. I usually meditate in my office - I feel it helps the energy of the room, motivates focus and helps support creative inspiration by combining work-work energy and spirit-work energy. So. where was I.... okay.... so let me set the stage: I have my sage lit, candles lit and just about to sit when I have this urge to meditate outside, on our patio. IT'S 5am! It's damp. I don't like damp. IT'S COLD! I don't DO cold.  Again ...

Okay, so have you ever heard someone say "This person has great energy" or "There's a great energy in that room" or "I feel bad energy coming from this..." What does it all really mean? I know I've said these statements before, I said it about people, a piece of Art I stood in front of, churches I've visited, houses and rooms I've walked into, etc Take a moment, right now, become still. Bring your attention inward. Can you feel a movement even in your stillness? That's energy. Everything in the world is either energy or matter ("stuff" around us) and even matter, when you really get down to it, is a kind of energy! 'Energy' is a scientific term for SPIRIT But WHAT do we mean when we use the terms "Good (Positive) Energy" or "Bad (Negative) Energy"? I believe it's a catch-all phrase for a feeling that comes from within,  its "our intuition."  NOW BACK t...

"TIME TRAVEL". I love the idea of TIME TRAVEL - personally I'm only interested in the past not the future - you know - being able to live in a foregone era. Ahhhh - how much fun would that be????? One day while I sat lost in my day dreams I thought to myself - you know what? Time Travel IS real!!!!! Okay... before you write me off as NUTZO - hear me out: When you watch a movie or play - a period piece or a film that was made lets say in the 1940's - or listening  to music from a certain era - you as the audience travel  out of the present and for a moment are in a different time - Or how about... flipping through old photos - like this one from the intersection of Hollywood Blvd and Highland  Ave in the mid 1920's - doesn't it just... (dare I say it?)  "TRANSPORT YOU BACK  IN TIME" I realize that one of the reasons why I am OBSESSED with Time Travel is because I'm an actress. And as an actress I have opportunity t...

This one's for all my FELLOW ARTISTS! We all have our up's and down's when it comes to working towards our dreams. This roller coaster ride seems especially perilous when the dream is attached to the arts. Our society (for what ever reason) views this pursuit as if it is THE LOWEST, most ridiculous goal anyone could strive for. Armed with my innate positivity I am for the most part immune to these naysayers. Also being raised by a woman who would say to me time and time again: "Never allow yourself to say: I could've, I would've, I should've but I didn't." This statement has given me a fearlessness that fuels me to stay on my path, and to also try new things. Again, I am usually in a healthy, positive place - BUT - (insert doom music here) the trouble begins when I'm on an emotional low (usually when I've been on six or more auditions without a call back or booking) its then that those wretched negative though...

I just came off a great week of auditions!!!! In the past my approach to auditions could only be classified as "SELF DESTRUCTIVE". To describe it in a way so you can fully understand the magnitude of what I mean by "SELF DESTRUCTIVE" I will simply say that, in the past, I looked at auditions as an illness that I desperately needed to find a CURE for. You must be saying to yourself "why were you doing that?" Well, I wasn't doing this consciously - BUT I have made the conscious decision to change this and now I see each Audition as a journey, a journey with no destination. In the past I had a destination in mind - the destination being GETTING THE JOB, BOOKING IT, BEING HIRED, getting paid to act the part. Its THIS mindset that would lead me to get "TIGHT" in auditions and then I will begin to OVER ACT to compensate...and then well...it'd go downhill fast. I now see Auditioning as a mirror, a mirror that I use as a tool...

Just so YOU know - BEFORE we go any further - let me JUST say - I have ALWAYS been a proud CARNIVORE. Steak Pizzaiola is my favorite - AND I have to say that my hubby cooks a mean steak - Now, to be honest our daily diet was not filled with red meat - we'd enjoy a steak like once a month - USUALLY we'd opt for "HEALTHY" white meat and make Roasted Chicken, Pork or Fish. That is until I watched "THE COVE" and "FOOD INC" If you haven't watched these I highly recommend them. They aren't "Anti meat" documentaries - just VERY informative. OK...SO.... AFTER watching FOOD INC my hubby turned to me and said: "There's gotta be something wrong when we are nourishing ourselves with tortured souls" (yeah, I know...right? He's so F***ing profound) NEEDLESS to say we are turned off by meat at the moment - DILEMMA - what do two CARNIVORE'S make for dinner.....UGH... TRADER JOES to the rescue. Last night, after I talked myse...

I've always known that I am a strong person. I was raised in a household filled with VERY strong women. I am Puerto Rican and Italian - which usually makes people wince while they utter "Wow - you are HOT BLOODED" YEAH - I AM! I am a hot blooded, strong, opinionated WOMAN who is irritated with the inequities we endure as women in 2010. I LOVE the fact that Kathryn Bigelow is the first female director to win an Oscar - but seriously - did the Academy have to play Helen Reddy's "I am Woman" as she made her way to the stage... COME ON! I was speaking with a friend earlier in the week - we started talking about "The War". The conversation took an EVIL turn when he said women are not "allowed" to fight on the front lines - WHAT? "Women are not ALLOWED to fight on the front lines" I got soooo annoyed we had to change the subject but when he left I ran to my computer to do research because I was certain he was wrong. WELL, Turns out.....

I AM FEELING DEPRESSED!!! I hate feeling this way. When I do, I don't get done what I want AND after the episode I just feel like I wasted time... SOOOO in the interest of trying to use my time in a more productive way I decided to look up an image that is mentioned in the book I am currently reading - DAN BROWNS " THE LOST SYMBOL" (its the image I posted above) I figured worse case scenario - I learn about the piece of art, btw, I LOVED ART HISTORY class in College. How could I know this little cyber journey would help me out of my depression. Well, first - the ART WORK is a famous allegorical engraving by Albrecht Dürer entitled "Melencolia I". Its title is presumed to be inspired by Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim. Agrippa was a German magician, occult writer, theologian, astrologer, and alchemist (PHEW - talk about multi-hyphenate) He wrote "De Occulta Philosophia (or magic)" in this book he describes "Melencholia Imaginativa" i...

I have been paring down my life - cutting away the fat and getting back to basics - as they pertain to who I am and attaining MY PERSONAL GOALS. Funny thing happens when you decide to do this - it is as if a mirror is held in front of you and you have to take a hard look at who you REALLY are and who you are pretending to be. Growing up I wasn't the person that said "Yes" to everything - I was that person who QUESTIONED EVERYTHING - and I mean EVERYTHING - to the point that I ANNOYED my Grandmother to no end. At some point "NO" became a four letter word to me. I don't have to try to figure out when AND why this happened - all i have to do is STOP it. I've been doing this little by little - BABY STEPS. The best tool that has helped me so far is repeating this mantra: "Just because I CAN do this does not mean I SHOULD do it" In the past, I let the fact that I am CAPABLE of executing the task inform whether I WILL do it. This simple mantra has...

My quest continues as I watch movies and Performances that are nominated for Oscars. I just watched "UP" and I have to say I was expecting more - sad but true - maybe because its up for 5 OSCARS...yes FIVE!!!!! Best Animated film, Best Picture, Original Screenplay, Music Score and Sound Editing. While I throughly enjoyed the film and its message I was left with - this is nominated for BEST PICTURE...REALLY??? ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY...REALLY????? BUT, alas, that is just my humble opinion. What are your thoughts, LEMME KNOW????

by DawnMarie Ferrara (2/12/10) I hear banging on the locked door - Locked door - bang. I sit in a bath of confusion. Locked door - bang. You want to come in? Locked door - bang. I’m bathing in confusion. Locked door - bang. Staring at the door as the Locked door goes bang. Feeling my stomach twist as the Locked door goes bang. My heart races each time the Locked door goes bang. Feel helpless as the Locked door goes bang. Ears deafening each time the Locked door goes bang. Can’t take anymore. Locked door goes Bang! Bang! Bang! I open the locked door and Find my strength.

I just watched this movie PINKY, based on the book "Quality" by female novelist Cid Ricketts Sumner. It was made in 1949, and was directed by Elia Kazan. It handles some of the same subject matter that "Imitation of Life" did in 1934 but "PINKY" is more gritty and honest in its portrayal of bigotry and self loathing. The story follows Patricia "Pinky" Johnson, a light skinned black woman, as she returns to her grandmother's house in the South after graduating from a Northern nursing school. Pinky confesses to her grandmother that she has been "passing" for white while at school in the North.  On top of this news we find out that Patricia has fallen in love with a white Doctor who does not know her family history. When he does find out he still wants to marry her but wants to keep her family history a secret. This creates an excruciatingly hard decision for Patricia to make - you really feel the weight of it in ...

The mind is really powerful - Thoughts create things! I have been practicing Yoga for 12 years. I've gone to classes religiously for 9 of those years and of late I do my own practice and I try to go to a class to feel part of the Yoga community. I recently realized that one thing I let go of was my daily mediation's. Well, since the Summer (09) I started to mediate again and started to consciously create. Putting my MINDS EYE on that which I want to create. And I have to say it not only focused and grounded me but also pulled into existence that which I focused on. And then a funny thing happened, it seems that as soon as this started to work for me I couldn't handle it and by January I had eased off on my daily mediation's. It only took a couple weeks for some of my old doubts to creep back in. I started to feel the Doubt and then FEAR I had felt before and I knew this wasn't what I wanted for my life. DOUBT is an artistic KILLER. It is like a CANCER for artists...

I am not a huge Football fan, Hockey is more my game. I only watch the Super Bowl and to be honest, I am only invested in the game when the Giants are playing BUT this Super Bowl was different. This year me and my hubby decided to stay home and enjoy the game by ourselves. The only thing I knew about each team was that Kim Kardashian was dating Reggie Bush (from the Saints) and Kendra Wilkinson is married to Hank Baskett (from the Colts). As my hubby made YUMMY burgers for us to enjoy and we popped open some frosty Stella's my hubby said he was hoping for a good game. He felt The Colts would win because they have a stronger team and the SAINTS have never been to the Super Bowl before - EVER - and after watching the PRE SHOW apparently my husband was not alone in his opinion. All the commentators and experts agreed that the COLTS probably would win. Right before the game started I turned to my hubby and said, "yeah but you can not discount the HEART of the UNDERDOG" Af...

THE HURT LOCKER. What a ride Kathryn Bigelow takes the viewer on. I felt as if I had enlisted in the service and all the decisions the soldiers were making on screen were in some way going to effect me - like I was in any harm sitting in my living room, crunching on my "Orville Redenbacher" Popcorn. The movie is spectacular - many moments stood out for me - one in particular. When Jeremy Renner's character goes home. After watching his character for about 80% of the film make life and death decisions (which made my heart race at times, made me cringe and close my eyes at others) He watched people die. Killed others. Dissected bombs. Things that I feel the human soul were not meant to experience - AND THEN suddenly he is in civilian clothing - standing in an isle in a Supermarket trying to decide "what cereal to buy" My Brother served in the Army. I always make a point to THANK the service men and women I come in contact with and to me THE HURT LOCKER is not jus...

OK, so I feel like I have to confess something - and here it goes.... I HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE FILMS THAT ARE UP FOR OSCARS THIS YEAR (Enter horror music) Now, since I am being HONEST I will say that I LOVE to watch the OSCARS for the FASHIONS but sitting clueless to the work that is nominated? Well, that's just not cute. So I am rectifying this - I just watched: "INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS" The whole cast is amazing. BRAD PITT is PERFECT CHRISTOPH WALTZ is mesmerizing. QUENTIN TARANTINO is just an artist plain and simple. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS was a refreshing movie experience - the time just flew by - and at the pictures end I was left to ponder my own humanity - yeah that's right - when I felt joy-joy feelings of watching The Nazi's burn to their death the old adage "two wrongs don't make a right" came to mind. And while the credits rolled I realized that not only was I thoroughly entertained by this movie, I was transported into a my own mora...

Okay, I am a NATIVE NEW YORKER. I was raised with my Italian side of my family on The Lower East Side of Manhattan - (Little Italy) me and my family are not Guido's and Guidettes BUT some of my best friends are. Watching "The Jersey Shore" for me is like seeing old friends of mine - I hate that some people say the cast "is not Italian" - YES THEY ARE!!!! They are Italian/Americans from Jersey. It's kinda like the BREAKFAST CLUB - everyone has a label - there's the 'smart one', 'the prep', 'the nerd' etc... Guidos are a classification unto themselves. I created a little cheat sheet to help you distinguish them from your everyday Italians and hey, who knows you might be one yourself... HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A GUIDO/GUIDETTE: GUIDETTE: You have extremely long, usually fake nails - painted in a bright color (usually some shade of Fuchsia or White) and talking about how you chose that nail color is a whole conversation in itself...

  Sadly, we have become a nation of SAMENESS. We live in a time of Homogenized TV and Political Correctness -it makes me wanna SCREAM! It's like High School all over again - you remember High School and its Social Structure; where only a select few are chosen to represent "THE NORM" and everyone that falls short of the standard are labeled "NOT GOOD ENOUGH", "FREAK" etc. Those were fun days weren't they????? How have we become a Nation where it appears EVERYONE is buying their cloths at "The Gap" The Individual is not celebrated anymore... I sadly wasn't old enough to be raised during the PUNK era - but man are we in serious need of that fad coming back... Sorry to ramble...I will get on with it... This morning I watched the interview Mel Gibson gave and I JUST LOVED IT... When I watched it I gotta say it was better than drinking my ritualistic morning cup of coffee. Mel has always been and still is not afraid to speak "his own t...

I am still SICK - and let me tell ya - I don't do sick! I've been sick since Wednesday night - in bed, can't move, just sleep the days away kind of sick. It's Monday and guess what.... I AM STILL SICK - 5 DAYS - UGGGHH. Well, today I couldn't just sit around, I looked around the house and realized the place is a mess. I haven't been able to clean in 5 Days and it looks like it. I couldn't stand it anymore so I cleaned. Feel a little better but what a wake up call - I'm so used to the daily cleaning - I never realized all that I do in the house - As I sit down on the couch - enjoying the cleanliness - waiting for my husband to come home I feel quite accomplished and realize I don't usually take time to ENJOY the work I do... So I have this question for ya: WHAT WORK DO YOU DO THAT YOU DON'T TAKE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE? xo

Still sick :( but instead of watching REALITY TELEVISION I opened a book - yeah - I haven't opened a book since I fell sick on Wednesday... The book I began is Dan Brown's new book "Lost Symbol" - and it does not disappoint. I recall reading Dan Browns first novel "The Da Vinci code" with all of America AND Europe - I remember holding the book on our flight to Greece and looking around the cabin and realizing that almost every other person was reading it as well. Talk about a Phenomenon! Then I remembered that a year ago I read a John Grisham novel in a weekend. It really is a talent to write novels that are so exciting it captures the public at large in such a way, the reader quickly becomes an addict to the story, not being able to do anything else but read the next page, the next chapter - you have to make and find the time to finish...it's a talent and a skill and I for one am in awe. Gotta go finish another couple chapters.... xo

I've been sick the past couple days and being bed ridden has me glued to the tv. I've been Watching: "The Real Housewives of OC" Its entertaining as hell to watch but after a couple hours of it I gotta say I feel dirty. What are we supposed to get from these shows? The kids are spoiled. The Parents are lushes. They have money AND a whole lotta problems - THEN...ah-ha...Thats it... misery likes company - we are a society of people that likes to watch other people fighting and in crisis - the key part is OTHER PEOPLE - so we - the audience get to watch the salacious gossip and problems of these people and we think we don't have any repercussions BUT WE DO. We get left with an icky feeling that can't get washed away....it'd be easy to turn it off if only ugggg - IT WASN'T SO DAMNED ENTERTAINING. xo

 Mackenzie Phillips Interview on Oprah! I don't know if you watched the interview - BUT I watched it the day it aired. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. It was as if an hour of my life slipped by - the interview was over and I hadn't moved, blinked or closed my mouth (which I had apparently opened at some point in the interview) I sat in horror and sadly, judgement of her - I almost didn't believe her because "Consensual Incest Relationship" what is that????? but what was more disturbing was she was so genuine - I HAD to believe her. After the interview my stomach turned and ached - then the following day Oprah aired a follow up interview in which Mackenzie's sister and friends corroborated her claims. WHY did I need this to validate the story? Because somewhere deep inside of me I hold a secret too and have held on to it because of the fear that NO ONE ELSE WOULD BELIEVE ME. I'm not fully ready to reveal all th...

I personally get inspired from different sources - one place I always go back to is Bruce Lee. I was raised with my brother - he is a Martial Artist - in the truest sense of the word. And he was a follower of Bruce Lee's style/no style training. I have Bruce Lee's book and turn to it periodically for inspiring quotes - the above link is to a great interview Bruce Lee did - in the end of the interview there is one of the most honest things I think I've ever heard - "Expressing yourself honestly is the hardest thing to do" Bruce Lee Ain't that the truth - go watch the video - trust me - it's worth it and leave a comment here letting me know WHAT INSPIRES YOU? xo

What a Sunday - awoke to my fabulous hubby bringing me a hot cup of coffee. YAY - sat in bed reading for a while then walked Scarlett (haven't mentioned her yet - yeah she's our baby for now) 4 year old King Charles Cavalier - THEN made breakfast - went to the gym and worked out for TWO hours - came home exhausted - ate a snack - and now blogging - Gonna enjoy some Champagne and a little relaxation before we go to a friends house - Didn't get any writing done - sadly my computer seems to be on it's last leg - need a new hard drive wahhhhh - now if only this Football game that has my Hubby glued to the TV - if only it would end - I'll be very happy!!!!!!

(My new Painting) A week of rain has made LA look very technicolor - the smog layer is washed away and has left a FRESH and CLEAN LA for all of us to enjoy. Apparently you can see the snow capped mountains very clear - ahhhh - another reason to love living in LA - Don't get it twisted though - I am a NEW YORKER through and through - this just makes living here more BEARABLE. So - I'm off into the fresh clean air - to drop off membership dues to my NEW Theatre company (woo-hoo) the next chapter in the book of "DawnMarie" is being written - and I'm enjoying it - feel like I was living in a world where I knew what the next day had to offer - now...it's exciting and new...I'm feeling more alive than I have in years - and more creative. Will write more for my script tonight - above is a photo of a Painting I just completed. I Love that my creative juices are flowing.... what are you doing with your creative talents? xo

Am I yelling into an abyss? Think this blog is really just for me... well, okay - now that I've put that out there might as well go with the whole 100 percent truth....here it goes.... never did I feel more ego driven than I do right now writing about my  daily life on the internet - ughhhhhh -  I have got to stop this voice inside my head, stop judging myself and put one foot in front of the other....okay and on THAT note - I did one of the  things on my New Years resolution list - the one about  listening to classical music - yeah - I went to a piano recital today -  it was very inspiring - the best part is it was still raining and  while the pianist was playing Bach, Beethoven and  Chopin the sound of the rain could be heard landing on the roof of  the theatre - it was as if the pianist had an unseen Orchestra -  it was magical.  Only thing missing...my hubby - he wasn't feel good  so he had to stay home   so sad.  Well, it's on to the weekend! The Sag awards are tomorro...

So I've now starting blogging - but now I have TWO blogs - don't know which one to  choose from -  the other one is at http://blog.dawnmarieferrara.com -  I'm gonna see how this looks then decide - this MAY be a little ridiculous but  putting one foot in front of the other has been my motto this week and it's working  for me....