BIRTHDAY REVELATIONS
My birthday is this Saturday (March 29th) and as it approaches I can't help but to reflect. I can sum up this past year in three words: disbelief, horror and triumph.
This year was filled with excruciating pain. I quite literally feel as if I was thrown into a barrel and tossed off the side of a mountain. With every new day I awoke to another harsh reality.
Last year my birthday week was filled with one fantastic celebration after the next. Days before my actual birthday my husband threw a surprise party for me. He filled the party with some of my dearest friends and on top of that he secretly arranged for my brother, who lives out of state, to attend. My brother surprised me by walking out with my birthday cake and singing to me. I can still remember being so taken aback that I couldn't even recognize my own brother. My actual birthday was a special night out to a wonderful Jazz restaurant. The celebrations continued throughout my birthday weekend. All I could do was soak up all the love my husband, friends and family showered on me.
A few short months after is when I was blindsided by the loss of our furry baby, Scarlett. There after the year seems like a complete blur, it seemed to spiral further and further out of control.
I continue to grieve deeply for our Scarlett. Through this loss I not only grieve for her passing but for many other losses I've encountered in my life as well. Some more mundane like not booking a role I really, really wanted to the more profound being letting go of feelings of unworthiness that I have been plagued with my whole life.
DISBELIEF
This year I felt the time speed up and also slow down. It was like some months raced by in a blink of an eye while others I felt the seconds languidly tick by. Every second seemed to last for a week and every week a month.
HORROR
Waking up from denial is painful. We live in a world that promotes and celebrates the perpetual numbing of emotions. Walking through and fully experiencing all life presents - the good, the bad and the ugly - is one of the privileges of being human.
TRIUMPH
I am still here. Mindfully placing one foot in front of the other. Life will knock the wind out of you. It will come at you, blindside you and take your breath away. There are absolutely no rules.
As I look back on this year I realize that through all I experienced I received one more unexpected gift, the reminder that life is short. Life is too short to live in denial. It is too short to live for the approval of others. It is too short to waste on regrets. Too short to live it through someone else's rules and most importantly, too short not to be gratefully appreciated every second of every day.
This year was filled with excruciating pain. I quite literally feel as if I was thrown into a barrel and tossed off the side of a mountain. With every new day I awoke to another harsh reality.
Last year my birthday week was filled with one fantastic celebration after the next. Days before my actual birthday my husband threw a surprise party for me. He filled the party with some of my dearest friends and on top of that he secretly arranged for my brother, who lives out of state, to attend. My brother surprised me by walking out with my birthday cake and singing to me. I can still remember being so taken aback that I couldn't even recognize my own brother. My actual birthday was a special night out to a wonderful Jazz restaurant. The celebrations continued throughout my birthday weekend. All I could do was soak up all the love my husband, friends and family showered on me.
A few short months after is when I was blindsided by the loss of our furry baby, Scarlett. There after the year seems like a complete blur, it seemed to spiral further and further out of control.
I continue to grieve deeply for our Scarlett. Through this loss I not only grieve for her passing but for many other losses I've encountered in my life as well. Some more mundane like not booking a role I really, really wanted to the more profound being letting go of feelings of unworthiness that I have been plagued with my whole life.
DISBELIEF
This year I felt the time speed up and also slow down. It was like some months raced by in a blink of an eye while others I felt the seconds languidly tick by. Every second seemed to last for a week and every week a month.
HORROR
Waking up from denial is painful. We live in a world that promotes and celebrates the perpetual numbing of emotions. Walking through and fully experiencing all life presents - the good, the bad and the ugly - is one of the privileges of being human.
TRIUMPH
I am still here. Mindfully placing one foot in front of the other. Life will knock the wind out of you. It will come at you, blindside you and take your breath away. There are absolutely no rules.
As I look back on this year I realize that through all I experienced I received one more unexpected gift, the reminder that life is short. Life is too short to live in denial. It is too short to live for the approval of others. It is too short to waste on regrets. Too short to live it through someone else's rules and most importantly, too short not to be gratefully appreciated every second of every day.
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