FEELING DEPRESSED (Melencholia Imaginativa)

I AM FEELING DEPRESSED!!!
I hate feeling this way. When I do, I don't get
done what I want AND after the episode I just
feel like I wasted time...

SOOOO in the interest of trying to use my time
in a more productive way
I decided to look up an image that is
mentioned in the book I am currently reading -
DAN BROWNS " THE LOST SYMBOL"
(its the image I posted above)
I figured worse case scenario - I learn
about the piece of art, btw,
I LOVED ART HISTORY class in College.
How could I know this little cyber
journey would help me out
of my depression.

Well, first - the ART WORK is a famous
allegorical engraving by Albrecht Dürer
entitled "Melencolia I". Its title
is presumed to be inspired by
Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim.

Agrippa was a German magician,
occult writer, theologian, astrologer,
and alchemist

(PHEW - talk about multi-hyphenate)

He wrote "De Occulta Philosophia (or magic)"
in this book he describes "Melencholia Imaginativa"
in which he held artists to be subject to,
'imagination', that it predominates over 'mind' or 'reason'.

Dürer's "Melencolia I" portrays melancholia as the state of
waiting for inspiration to strike, and not necessarily as a
depressive affliction - WOW -

WAITING FOR INSPIRATION TO STRIKE!!!!!

This is EXACTLY what I am feeling
right now - I am at effect - WAITING for
inspiration to strike - AIMLESSLY wandering
around my house and cyberspace waiting for
inspiration and an outlet for my ART.

Now, instead of walking around muttering
"I FEEL DEPRESSED" I am now saying
"I AM ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR MY
INSPIRATION".

Just saying this is making me feel better -
and is alleviating my melancholy
NO NEED FOR PROZAC :)

If you have a moment - let me know
what inspires you?

xo

"NO" is a four letter word to me....

I have been paring down my life -
cutting away the fat and getting
back to basics - as they pertain to who
I am and attaining MY PERSONAL GOALS.

Funny thing happens when you decide
to do this - it is as if a mirror is
held in front of you and you have to
take a hard look at who you REALLY are and
who you are pretending to be.

Growing up I wasn't the person that said
"Yes" to everything - I was that person who
QUESTIONED EVERYTHING - and I mean
EVERYTHING - to the point that I ANNOYED
my Grandmother to no end.

At some point "NO" became a four
letter word to me. I don't have to try to
figure out when AND why this happened - all
i have to do is STOP it.

I've been doing this little by little - BABY STEPS.
The best tool that has helped me so far
is repeating this mantra:

"Just because I CAN do this does not mean I SHOULD do it"

In the past, I let the fact that I am CAPABLE of executing
the task inform whether I WILL do it. This simple
mantra has helped me to cut things out of
my life that were nothing more than distractions.

I find that I am more present when I do
commit to things and honestly
I am feeling more content
than ever.

Wanna feel empowered?
Just try it - I swear its worth it.

watched "UP"

My quest continues as I watch
movies and Performances that are
nominated for Oscars.

I just watched "UP" and I have to
say I was expecting more - sad but
true - maybe because its up for 5
OSCARS...yes FIVE!!!!!

Best Animated film,
Best Picture,
Original Screenplay,
Music Score
and Sound Editing.

While I throughly enjoyed the film and
its message I was left with - this is
nominated for
BEST PICTURE...REALLY???
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY...REALLY?????

BUT, alas, that is just my humble opinion.

What are your thoughts, LEMME KNOW????

(a poem) THE LOCKED DOOR

by DawnMarie Ferrara
(2/12/10)

I hear banging on the locked door -
Locked door - bang.

I sit in a bath of confusion.
Locked door - bang.

You want to come in?
Locked door - bang.

I’m bathing in confusion.
Locked door - bang.

Staring at the door as the
Locked door goes bang.

Feeling my stomach twist as the
Locked door goes bang.

My heart races each time the
Locked door goes bang.

Feel helpless as the
Locked door goes bang.

Ears deafening each time the
Locked door goes bang.

Can’t take anymore.
Locked door goes Bang! Bang! Bang!

I open the locked door and
Find my strength.

Racism and Movies of 40's

I just watched this movie PINKY, based on the book "Quality" by female novelist Cid Ricketts Sumner. It was made in 1949, and was directed by Elia Kazan.

It handles some of the same subject matter that "Imitation of Life" did in 1934 but "PINKY" is more gritty and honest in its portrayal of bigotry and self loathing.

The story follows Patricia "Pinky" Johnson, a light skinned black woman, as she returns to her grandmother's house in the South after graduating from a Northern nursing school. Pinky confesses to her grandmother that she has been "passing" for white while at school in the North.  On top of this news we find out that Patricia has fallen in love with a white Doctor who does not know her family history. When he does find out he still wants to marry her but wants to keep her family history a secret.

This creates an excruciatingly hard decision for Patricia to make - you really feel the weight of it in the performance. In the end Patricia decides to be true to herself, she doesn't want to deny who she is and chooses to take PRIDE in her family history.

It is an amazing movie. I was blown away by the acting, writing and direction but I couldn't help but to be distracted by the casting. The actress that played the part of Pinky was caucasian, Jeanne Crain.

Jeanne Crain and Ethel Waters in "Pinky"

Then a question ran through my mind, Why didn't they just cast a Black actress in the part?

I found out that a number of black actresses did campaign for the role. Now, be forewarned, some of these stories will make you wince:

Lena Horn

LENA HORNE tried to get the role of "Pinky", the studio initially entertained casting her but under the condition that she agree to wear "light Egyptian makeup" which is the equivalent to wearing "white face" - the studio was eventually pressured to give up the idea of casting her.

Dorothy Dandridge

DOROTHY DANDRIGE was also interested in the role, but she was thought "too Black" to be convincing in the role. This was a few years prior to her oscar turn in "Carmen Jones"

And number of Bi-racial actresses tried as well But in the end, a Black or Bi-racial Actress could never had been cast. WHY?

Because of the Romantic story line. The lead character has a relationship with a white man. Now remember this was the 40's in America, Racism was the norm. Also, the Hollywood Production Code at the time had rules against portraying interracial relationships in film.

The film is not well remembered today but it was the biggest hit of 1949 and the three leads, Jeanne Crain, Ethel Barrymore and Ethel Waters were up for Oscars that year.

PINKY served as an important milestone  - it proved that a film that tackled the subject of racism could be a commercial success. It paved the way for many of the "message" filled movies of the 1950's.

If you haven't seen PINKY I recommend you do. It's a great movie. Wonderful performances. And it has an inspirational central message.

"TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE"

xo

Get hold of your mind!

The mind is really powerful - Thoughts create things!

I have been practicing Yoga for 12 years.
I've gone to classes religiously for 9 of those years
and of late I do my own practice and I try to go to
a class to feel part of the Yoga community.
I recently realized that one thing I let go of was
my daily mediation's.

Well, since the Summer (09) I started to mediate again and
started to consciously create. Putting my MINDS EYE
on that which I want to create. And I have to say
it not only focused and grounded me but
also pulled into existence that which I focused on.

And then a funny thing happened, it seems that
as soon as this started to work for me I
couldn't handle it and by January I had eased off on my
daily mediation's. It only took a couple weeks for
some of my old doubts to creep back in.
I started to feel the Doubt and then FEAR I had felt before
and I knew this wasn't what I wanted for my life.

DOUBT is an artistic KILLER.

It is like a CANCER for artists because it
seeps in and if you don't handle
it, it will take over until you feel paralyzed.

To gain control of my mind again I started to take
note of the thoughts I was having - without
judgement - just an awareness to them.
After a couple days I was shocked to realize
the amount of negative thoughts I had running
through my mind.

These thoughts varied, some were on my
talents and aptitude as an actress and
some were about being woman.

And then I noticed that with each opportunity that came
my way (audition, meeting someone,
a creative idea) I was simultaneously creating - in
my mind - the opposite outcome to what
I really wanted.

So, I've begun to meditate daily again. I realize that its
the same as food - I need it to live. I
need to consciously choose the healthiest thoughts
because it truly is food for the soul and mind and can
help to support my mind so I have the strength to
consciously change my thoughts.

Here's an example of my experience and what I am
currently doing to change it -

I have an audition and these are some of
the thoughts I have:

1) "You are going to read for this Casting Director and he will see
how untalented you are."

2) "He will see you as THE MOST UNTALENTED actress he
has ever seen before."

3)"Why did I come? I knew this would happen. I'm not going to
get a callback."

Then I'd go in. Try to do the best I could and
leave and have this fabulous thought

4) "I hope he takes pity on me and gives me a callback."

NOW THIS IS HOW I AM TAKING CONTROL OF MY MIND
(Using the same scenario - I have an Audition)

1) I awake and meditate.
2) I focus on the sides and the character.
3) As I am dressing I fill my mind with thoughts that make
me FEEL HAPPY. (It's the FEELING of HAPPINESS that will
give me the foundation I need)
4) I put on music I love to listen to.
5) THEN I think of the POSITIVE OUTCOME of the audition.
6) In my minds eye I visualize how it will go.
7) I leave fill my mind and heart with gratitude and
appreciation for another day that I can pursue my dream.

Question is: Am I cured?
No. This is an on-going process and I am now beginning
to enjoy that fact because it means that I am the sole
creator and manager of my life and it fast becoming
quite a rewarding task.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT?

xo

The HEART of the UNDERDOG. (Super Bowl 44)

I am not a huge Football fan, Hockey is more my game.
I only watch the Super Bowl and to be honest,
I am only invested in the game when the Giants
are playing BUT this Super Bowl was different.

This year me and my hubby decided to stay home
and enjoy the game by ourselves. The only thing
I knew about each team was that Kim Kardashian was
dating Reggie Bush (from the Saints) and Kendra Wilkinson
is married to Hank Baskett (from the Colts).

As my hubby made YUMMY burgers for us to enjoy and
we popped open some frosty Stella's my hubby said he
was hoping for a good game. He felt The Colts would
win because they have a stronger team and the
SAINTS have never been to the Super Bowl before - EVER -
and after watching the PRE SHOW apparently my
husband was not alone in his opinion.
All the commentators and experts agreed
that the COLTS probably would win.
Right before the game started I turned to my
hubby and said,

"yeah but you can not discount the
HEART of the UNDERDOG"

After the first quarter my hubby was never
more sure that the COLTS would win and that
this would not be a good game.

The COLTS owned the first quarter BUT
to me there was something about how the SAINTS
were playing - like they had nothing to lose -
and I just said (like most americans) "After all
that the city of New Orleans had been through,
it really would be awesome if the SAINTS won."

For the rest of the game I was sitting at the edge
of my seat, Stella in hand watching, emotionally
invested and IMPRESSED by the SAINTS -
and by the end of the game my husband and I
agreed on one thing - THAT WAS A GREAT GAME!

Watching that game only served to reenforce
my own personal belief about
"THE HEART OF THE UNDERDOG".

You can achieve anything you want if you put
ALL that you have into it, ESPECIALLY your HEART.
At times, we hold our HEART back as a defense
but not THE UNDERDOG. THE UNDERDOG leads
with HEART and to me that is what makes them
OPEN to SUCCESS because there is NO FEAR OF
FAILURE - they are open and have nothing to lose
and this OPENNESS allows for
divine inspiration to come through.

Congratulations to THE SAINTS you worked hard
for that victory!!!!!

xo

A Salute our soldiers

THE HURT LOCKER.

What a ride Kathryn Bigelow takes the
viewer on.

I felt as if I had enlisted in the service
and all the decisions the soldiers were making
on screen were in some way going
to effect me - like I was in any harm sitting
in my living room, crunching on
my "Orville Redenbacher" Popcorn.

The movie is spectacular - many moments
stood out for me - one in particular.

When Jeremy Renner's character goes home.

After watching his character for about 80% of the film
make life and death decisions (which made my heart race
at times, made me cringe and close my eyes at others)
He watched people die. Killed others. Dissected bombs.
Things that I feel the human soul were not
meant to experience - AND THEN suddenly he is in
civilian clothing - standing in an isle in a Supermarket
trying to decide "what cereal to buy"

My Brother served in the Army. I always make a point to
THANK the service men and women I come in contact
with and to me THE HURT LOCKER is not just an AMAZING
FILM its also a THANK YOU, on a massive scale, to our
men and women in the service.

At movies end I felt changed, I had a sense of great pride
for our soldiers AND I was INSPIRED by Kathryn Bigelow.

*( If you're keeping track - I've now watched 4 of the Oscar
films - 6 more to go)

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (Sound good?!?!)

OK, so I feel like I have to confess something -
and here it goes....

I HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE FILMS THAT ARE UP
FOR OSCARS THIS YEAR (Enter horror music)

Now, since I am being HONEST I will say
that I LOVE to watch the OSCARS for the
FASHIONS but sitting clueless to the
work that is nominated? Well,
that's just not cute.

So I am rectifying this - I just watched:

"INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS"

The whole cast is amazing.

BRAD PITT is PERFECT

CHRISTOPH WALTZ is mesmerizing.

QUENTIN TARANTINO is just an artist plain and simple.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS was a refreshing movie experience
- the time just flew by - and at the pictures end I was left to
ponder my own humanity - yeah that's right - when I felt
joy-joy feelings of watching The Nazi's burn to their death the
old adage "two wrongs don't make a right"
came to mind. And while the credits rolled I realized that
not only was I thoroughly entertained by
this movie, I was transported into a my own
moral dilemma.

QUENTIN is an artist - did I say that already????

3 movies down - 7 more to go.


xo

You know you're a guido/guidette when...

Okay, I am a NATIVE NEW YORKER.
I was raised with my Italian side
of my family on The Lower East Side of
Manhattan - (Little Italy)
me and my family are not Guido's
and Guidettes BUT some of my best
friends are.

Watching "The Jersey Shore" for
me is like seeing old friends of mine -
I hate that some people say the
cast "is not Italian" -

YES THEY ARE!!!!

They are Italian/Americans from Jersey.

It's kinda like the BREAKFAST CLUB - everyone
has a label - there's the 'smart one',
'the prep', 'the nerd' etc...
Guidos are a classification unto themselves.

I created a little cheat sheet to help you
distinguish them from your everyday
Italians and hey, who knows you might be one
yourself...

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A GUIDO/GUIDETTE:

GUIDETTE:
You have extremely long, usually fake
nails - painted in a bright color (usually some
shade of Fuchsia or White) and
talking about how you chose that nail color is a
whole conversation in itself.

GUIDETTE:
You're biggest ambition in life is to
marry a Guido.

GUIDO:
Your biggest ambition in life is
to marry a girl that will take care of you like
your mom does.

BOTH:
You spend half your time looking in
the mirror and the other half trying to
find a reflective surface to look at
yourself.

BOTH:
You have more than a couple brothers
and sisters all either named -
Sal, Anthony, Joey, Marie, Fran or Teresa.

BOTH:
You go to the tanning salon or use
self tanners until there is an ORANGE
glow to your skin - not really
going for the natural look here...

GUIDO:
Spend most of the time working out,
and when not working out you are
flexing your muscles and showing them
to everyone - hey - things of beauty are
meant to be shared.

BOTH:
anxiously count down the days until the
summer - when you and about 30 of your neighborhood/
childhood friends can go to the house
you all rented on the Jersey Shore.

BOTH:
Wear all the jewelry you own at
all times - its safer than in the house or in a bank.

xo

I LOVE MEL GIBSON

 


Sadly, we have become a nation of SAMENESS.
We live in a time of Homogenized TV and
Political Correctness -it makes me wanna SCREAM!

It's like High School all over again - you remember
High School and its Social Structure; where only a
select few are chosen to represent
"THE NORM" and everyone that falls short
of the standard are labeled "NOT GOOD ENOUGH",
"FREAK" etc.

Those were fun days weren't they?????

How have we become a Nation where it appears
EVERYONE is buying their cloths at "The Gap"
The Individual is not celebrated anymore...
I sadly wasn't old enough to be raised
during the PUNK era - but man are we
in serious need of that fad coming back...
Sorry to ramble...I will get on with it...

This morning I watched the interview Mel Gibson gave
and I JUST LOVED IT... When I watched it I gotta say
it was better than drinking my ritualistic morning cup
of coffee.

Mel has always been and still is not afraid to speak
"his own truth" and I commend, applaud AND
SALUTE him for it.

(BTW - I agree with Mel - the reporter was being
an A-hole)

Yah, know... I just had a thought... do you know who Mel
reminds me of? He's like that CRAZY family member
every family has - you know the family member that
was apparently born without the "EDIT" button - or
is so old the button doesn't work anymore...

OKAY, OKAY...
I have to admit that when one is on the receiving
end it's not so good BUT as an
on looker its PRICELESS and REFRESHING.

AGAIN, thanks Mel Gibson for your honesty!!!!!

Another Monday...

I am still SICK - and let me tell ya -
I don't do sick!

I've been sick since Wednesday
night - in bed, can't move, just
sleep the days away kind of sick.
It's Monday and guess what....
I AM STILL SICK - 5 DAYS - UGGGHH.

Well, today I couldn't just sit around,
I looked around the house and
realized the place is a mess.
I haven't been able to clean
in 5 Days and it looks like it.

I couldn't stand it anymore so
I cleaned. Feel a little better but
what a wake up call - I'm so used
to the daily cleaning - I never realized
all that I do in the house -

As I sit down on the couch -
enjoying the cleanliness - waiting for
my husband to come home
I feel quite accomplished and realize
I don't usually take time to ENJOY
the work I do...

So I have this question for ya:

WHAT WORK DO YOU DO THAT
YOU DON'T TAKE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE?

xo